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When to Say Something  

im_soaking_wet 40F
4264 posts
9/17/2014 5:35 pm
When to Say Something

I've recently found myself in a predicament with a very good friend and colleague of mine. I felt as though I handled it the way I should have, but I keep feeling as though I could do more.

This friend of mine got engaged to a woman that he fell head over heels for. They moved in together within 3 months and became engaged within 9 months of meeting. They both work in the same field and have many mutual friends (myself included). Now heres where it gets sticky. I was friends with him first, friends with her thru other colleagues second.

I found out within 4 months of them meeting, that she had been flirting with other colleagues behind his back. Going out with other male colleagues behind his back. Sexting another colleague - you guessed it, behind his back. A mutual friend attempted to tell him all of this and his response was "go fuck yourself, she would never do that." Talk about rose colored glasses eh?

Well, shocker - he begins to realize all isn't well in the engagement and came to me to vent. During this vent, I told him that I knew she wasn't behaving appropriately. His response? "You bitch. You're supposed to be my friend. You're supposed to tell me these things!" To which I told him that if his head wasn't stuck up her vag, I would have.

So, my question is... if you know the significant other of a good friend of yours, is behaving inappropriately - when do you tell them? Or do you?
Never. Not my fucking problem, solve your own shit
Immediately. Bros before Hoes
When the time is right. Sometimes, ya just gotta wait


mindworker1970 53M
328 posts
9/17/2014 7:08 pm

I have been on both ends of this question. As soon as I know there is a problem I will tell my friend. What he does with the information is his problem. And I prefer to know the truth before I make an even bigger mistake, no matter how much it hurts.


im_soaking_wet replies on 9/18/2014 8:58 pm:
Valid points!

DoctorBooty 43M  
6426 posts
9/17/2014 8:33 pm

If its a friend, I choose the friend first. I'd have told him as soon as I knew she was really acting inappropriately. When I found out she started to sext someone else in particular.

Now if he's your friend, you need to tell him everything you know about what she's been up to, and then let him make the decision on what he wants to do going forward.


im_soaking_wet replies on 9/18/2014 8:59 pm:
I did. Doesn't look like the relationship will last

rm_damngoodpssy 33F
5 posts
9/18/2014 6:42 am

If someone else already told him, and he cursed them out...what makes you think, you telling him would make a difference?

He is lashing out at you because he is mad he got played period...that is his relationship and it is obvious no matter what anyone said he would not have believed them.

So the answer is..there are some people who can handle the truth, and there are some people who cannot. We all have to live our own life, no matter what anyone else feels, thinks or says--he made his bed now he is lying in it.


Mister_Blue66 41M
382 posts
9/18/2014 2:39 pm

    Quoting rm_damngoodpssy:
    If someone else already told him, and he cursed them out...what makes you think, you telling him would make a difference?

    He is lashing out at you because he is mad he got played period...that is his relationship and it is obvious no matter what anyone said he would not have believed them.

    So the answer is..there are some people who can handle the truth, and there are some people who cannot. We all have to live our own life, no matter what anyone else feels, thinks or says--he made his bed now he is lying in it.
See above. As someone who has had some unique experiences (none quite like this) I can honestly say that no matter what anyone says sometimes the blinders are firmly in place. Just have to wait it out & try to calm the dude down. He'll probably apologize at some point.


im_soaking_wet replies on 9/18/2014 9:00 pm:
He did as soon as it came out of his mouth. So, im not too worried. It's just a matter of feeling out how other people handle the situation. I'm definitely not the only one who has had to do this lol

AllAmerican9858 54M
38 posts
9/19/2014 7:57 am

Hey Soaks, I think you did the right thing. Your friend had already "killed the messenger" once, so why would you believe him to act any differently towards you. I've only been in that situation once before, but since I was pretty good friends with both parties, I thought it best to stay out of it and eventually it would take care of itself (which it did). Anyway, good to catch with your blog. Hope all is well.


MR_MOE78 41M
52 posts
9/26/2014 6:03 pm

Have had that happen a few times. Theres been times when I do tell the person or find a way for the person to find out or other times where you just leave it alone. In this case he had been warned and he told the person to fuck off. He can't have it both ways. Im sure later down the road he'll get over the anger towards you when hes more rational.


72SCOUT72 50M  
115 posts
9/29/2014 8:33 pm

I say just tell them before they make a mistake. That way whether they choose to listen or not you gave them the heads up. That way they can't come back at you and say no told me or why didn't you tell me. I know I'd want to get the heads up.


itimebomb666 57M
521 posts
4/1/2015 3:41 am

i would always tell them but pick my moment, even the chances are your going to get it in the neck but once they have calmed down they will realise your looking out for them. i myself would rather know than not but thats just me so.......

BOOMSHENKA may the seed of your loin be fruitfull in the belly of your woman.(neil - the young ones)


hunterpt 62M
13507 posts
11/17/2015 1:19 am

I just say it . Kisses


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